yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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