I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
