I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Randomize
