No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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