Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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