Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
