Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We have started to decorate penises.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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