Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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