Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
