dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
