1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
she smelled like a LAN party
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
