I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I party with great urgency now.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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