I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize