Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i will never coherently bang her
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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