she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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