There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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