i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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