he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
