People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
