You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
