You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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