I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
