How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
