Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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