I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
