I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
