The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
