My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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