I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
