...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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