I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
