Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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