i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize