I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
