i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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