...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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