just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize