Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
