It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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