pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
