Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
