i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
