hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
