The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
