i already hear my dad disowning me
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
ttyl tear gas
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
