When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
