I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
