I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
