he looks like a really good dad on facebook
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
