pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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