We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
