remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
