im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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