Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
