I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
