that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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