So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
