i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
