Betty ford says i'm here all night
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
