there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize