part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
