i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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