My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
