Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
