Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize