well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
