Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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