The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
